We’ve all had that sinking feeling when we realise our dreams/goals might never come into fruition, either because of a lack of planning, knowledge or motivation.
Having a dream, even if it’s to finish a Netflix show, keeps us moving forward and creates momentum in our lives.
Dreams bring meaning to our lives and insight into, ultimately, who we want to be.
When your job stops working out and you wonder why it’s become such a slog, your dreams are at play. You know, deep down, there is something more meaningful you are supposed to be doing, and what’s more, you don’t want to settle for anything less. It might not be a fully fleshed out dream, but at the very heart of it, it’s there.
I used to refuse to set goals or have dreams (although in actuality I did have them, I just didn’t want to admit it) because I was so scared of failing. I didn’t want to put my all into something, only for it to come crumbling around my feet, leaving me with nothing. Fear was at the heart of my unwillingness to create the future I wanted.
Dreams made me fearful of failure, rejection, being outed, feeling like an imposter and most importantly, working hard.
Hard work is never easy to face, especially when you know just how tough it will be. Motivation gives us the wind in our sails to carry on when times get tough. But as we all know, it can be fleeting and on some occasions, by the time you’ve got the courage to take action and follow that dream, the motivation has escaped.
Life is a great teacher, but it’s also a great de-motivator.
Ever come home from work after a long, tiring day and all you want to do is put your feet up and relax?
Me too.
The problem is, there’s something in the back of our minds telling us we really should be focusing on that blog/side business/course to get us where we need to be, but everything seems to be an excuse. Not feeling well, too tired to concentrate, too much housework to complete.
Life gets in the way of our dreams because we allow it to. We hand our dreams over to the ether and hope that they will come true with very little work from us (because we’re all just too tired after work).
Leading on from that, lack of planning can stop us in our tracks too. When day to day life inevitably starts tearing down our motivation, if we haven’t got a plan in place, it’s too laborious to try and figure out where to go next before putting anything into action.
If you’ve dreamt too big and not figured out the steps in between, the task of getting to that end goal will seem so insurmountable that you will more than likely pass on it and choose sitting on the sofa watching films again. Every event, project and piece of work needs planning — your dreams are no different.
Keeping your expectations high and your organisational skills low will set you up for failure because there’s no roadmap to direct your route.
You might be wondering:
What do I need to do to get on track and start pursuing my dream/s?
The answer comes in the form of two checks:
A reality check and a checklist.
Getting back on track doesn’t mean you need to work up a boatload of motivation to take that first step, and we certainly shouldn’t rely on motivation alone.
Motivation is not produced in an endless supply, even though it is usually required in exceptionally high demand.
So what do we do?
We transition from the fluffy cotton-candy clouds blissfully drifting in our minds and zoom into reality, the real HD version where you can see all the lines, cracks and imperfections.
At its most basic level, is your dream realistic?
The reality check
When I was seven years old, I had decided to give up the dream of being a fashion designer and instead choose something that was a little more realistic — a fairy princess. My brain at the time thought that was incredibly realistic because I had been reading about them non-stop and surrounded myself with that subject matter. If they clearly existed, then why couldn’t I be one?
I would love to go to space, but the reality is, I don’t have the committed interest in engineering, biological science or mathematics that you need to become one. I wanted to be a fashion designer but I have no where near the artistic eye or delight in the subject to honestly make that my purpose in life.
Much like my seven year old brain, our dreams can be a form of escapism which, when looked at a little closer, are detached from what we really can and can’t do.
The exercise is not to beat yourself up about what you can’t do, but instead is an opportunity to visualise what your life would be if your dream came true, and then reverse engineer that. If you want to start a profitable business — imagine yourself basking in a sunny location, confident in the state of your financial and professional status. Now let’s reverse engineering how you get that point — Are you prepared to go to multiple networking events on a regular basis to drum up business and brand awareness? Are you willing to work after hours once you’ve finished your main job and completed life’s daily tasks e.g cooking, cleaning? Are you willing to say no to buzzing social events so that you can stay home and complete proposals for clients?
The above are all subject to your dream, of course. The point is, you just need to look at your dream with wonder and curiosity and simply work your way back — are you prepared to do what needs to be done?
I recently did this with my writing career. I had been fantasising about giving my current professional life up so I could write content every minute of every day. I could work in my PJs everyday, have access to the food in my fridge and cupboards (a real bonus) and decide where and when I worked. The problem was, I was back in my seven year old self, feeding my vision with so much emotion of desire and longing that I was failing to see the reality of that dream.
Being a freelance writer takes hard work which, at the moment, I’m not prepared to put in. My current job is great and I love the colleagues I work with. The hours gives me a great work/life balance and I don’t even have to commute too far to get there everyday. The reality is that my circumstances aren’t ready for my vision, and that’s ok. I will keep writing and publishing every week, reading articles and books to further my knowledge and working alongside my 9–5 to make sure I learn my craft before I dive into it head first.
Equally, I don’t want my only motivation to be money. I want to write full time because it’s 100% my passion, and until I get into the rhythm of writing everyday and allowing it to become a part of my daily life, that motivation won’t shift. We have to check ourselves and make sure our motivations are correct and truthful. There’s no point having a dream someone else has given us, because when we find that promised land we’ve been imagining, it won’t feel holy at all, it will feel empty and void. Make sure your motivations are yours and reflect your authentic self.
The key is to be honest with yourself, because at the end of the day, you are the main character in your life.
Remember the checks?
Well there were two of them…
The checklist
This is less of a to-do list and more of a plan, with praise along the way.
We’ve all made resolutions and promises that we would learn a new language, drink more water or go to the gym but why does it seem to get so much harder after the first week?
The problem is, we go in too big and get overwhelmed with the task. After a while of going to the gym, we stop seeing progress and nothing seems to be changing so we give up. We don’t feel like we’ve accomplished anything new so we lose the desire to continue.
How do we change this?
Put a plan together and treat it like a checklist.
We’ve all had that feeling of relief when our reminders/to-do’s have been dealt with, especially when we’ve completed a task we’ve been dreading for days. Our dreams are much the same, as they’re made up tasks that when all checked off, lead to the first place podium we’ve been longing for.
But it’s not enough to just mindlessly cross tasks off as we complete them. We forget to give ourselves credit for the hard work we’ve put in or the results achieved. I regularly beat myself up for not doing enough writing but when I look closer, it’s glaringly obvious I never give myself enough credit when I’ve spent hours writing and editing.
Use a plan to provide you with perspective — dreams can seem too far away and unattainable if we stare at them in the distance for too long. Look down at your feet and notice the stepping stones right in front of you.
Small, actionable steps will get you moving. Noticing and recognising those wins give you momentum and act as the ‘checking off’ in a to-do list. Start small and achievable — workout once a week, write twice a week or read a book every other month. When you hit a goal, congratulate yourself and accept that you can achieve things and that this is only the beginning of what’s to come. Once that first step seems like a breeze, move forward and ramp it up. Plans can be hard to stick to, but if you look back at your checklist and see what you’ve completed, it might just be the necessary wind in your sails to move you onto the next stepping stone. These small steps create big waves for your confidence in, not only, your commitment but also your capabilities.
Today I have crossed something off of my checklist. There’s no point me giving advice if I’m not willing to take my own medicine, after all. I have written a piece, which is one I didn’t have yesterday, so I won’t ignore this small feat.
Two checks can help you get back on track to achieving those dreams and goals but not without hard work. We all have aspirations but the difference between the few and the many is the successful individuals work and keep working, even when times are tough — so don’t lose sight of reality and make sure you pat yourself on the back for your triumphs (no matter how small!)
Is screen time and social media holding you back from pursuing your dreams? Learn How I Curb And Control My Social Media Addiction.
